Thinking I Need a Dose of Faith...

Overwhelming...Yeah
A few weeks ago, the Atlanta-area had a huge ice storm. While most of us were being stressed out about the ice and snow and boredom, I was having a huge inner storm going on. The week of the ice storm and the week that followed were a challenge. My daughter was accepted to college, registered for a dorm, purchased her first car, and turned seventeen. Then the week after, I got her graduation pictures. This week she will take the test for her driver's license.

My baby girl is suddenly a young woman.

I should be fine with this, and I am fine with this. Except, not really...

The entire thing is overwhelming. I thought I had a few more years. Now, in less than nine months, she will no longer live with me. She will be driving around the Atlanta-area, going to school, and for all intensive purposes being a young adult.This is something I've worked toward since she was born. The time has come, and she is so ready it hurts. I need more time.

Being Fearful
The overwhelmingness of this period of her life leads me to fear. We're not talking the kind of fear that crops up in horror movies where the girl screams and faints. We're talking the kind that makes you freeze in the headlights and forget that you are a thinking, prayerful human being. We're talking the kind of fear that makes your inner self pull her legs to her body and rock back and forth.

Why am I afraid?

I'm afraid because she's very young and heading out into a new world that isn't always nice. I know she can manage that though. She is smart and fierce. I'm afraid because I know there are somethings I didn't prepare her for very well because I couldn't get past my own fears. I'm afraid, and I know that being afraid isn't very Christ-like, but it is very human.

Faith and Things Not Seen
I was contemplating this as I was driving to work this morning. I was thinking about how faith plays into dealing with fear. A friend of mine last week reminded me that I needed to have faith in my daughter and my parenting. Because my daughter left her coffee in the van, I ended up going back to her school, and then coming inside to deliver the coffee. Before I left, I had to visit the bathroom, and discovered something really beautiful inside my stall. I know this sounds bizarre, but look at what I found:

 

God hit me in the face with possibly the best definition in the entire world. This translation is priceless. 

The Reality of What is Hoped for...

The heart of faith is hope. When I get scared, it's hard to hope for anything. I focus on the scary stuff. The scripture reminds me that I have to look at the "reality" that is created in hope. My hope rests in God taking care of the things that make me want to curl up into the fetal position and cry. When we embrace hope, often the fear will go away, maybe not completely, but in a way that makes it more manageable. I pray for the reality of my daughter being safe and good at school. I pray for the reality of me no longer being so scared that I can't think of much more than "God she's growing up too fast."

Proof of What is Not Seen

Faith is really sort of a circular thing. We have faith in God and His participation in our life, even though we cannot see Him as Himself. Our faith and response to that faith proves His participation in our life. Some people would say that we're creating our own positive outcomes, and to some degree that works. There is a whole line of thought about how positive thought patterns and approaches to situations lead to positive outcomes. 

The "proof of what is not seen" is more than just positive thought patterns. It's our ability to see God's fingerprints on those things we have faith that He will care for and deal with. It's in those moments that are bigger than we are where we know that He is the one who manage things because we cannot. I have to know that despite being mortified to my core that my daughter is no longer a child that God will take care of me and her and the life she has chosen as her own. 

It's Still Not Easy

All of this still does not mean that I'm not terrified. I really dislike the idea that if we have faith, we will not know fear.  There have been plenty of times when I had faith that God was in charge, and still felt like I was in the front car of a wooden roller coaster with no seat belt anywhere to be found. Maybe I should feel guilty. Maybe people are right--my faith is not strong enough. I just don't think so. 

If we are in spiritual process, then it stands to reason that we are going to be afraid. We may have to pray for guidance and a strengthening of faith often. We are going to be afraid sometimes. The Holy Spirit is there to offer comfort in those moments. We just have to remember not to get so wrapped up in the fear that we can't hear or feel the Holy Spirit. We also have to remember that He loves us even when we are consumed with fear. When we remember these things, we open ourselves to a chance to walk though the fear and get to the other side. It's there that we can find that maybe the things we fear are not so awful after all.