God of Vocation

Today at Church

I went back to the local Methodist church again today, and attended the traditional service. Normally, my worship style bounces somewhere between contemporary and traditional. I love a good band, but I also love excellent choir music. Back in November, I attended the traditional service, and had a small, but controlled panic attack. There were so many people, none of whom I knew. Today was better. I sat with two dear friends, and I ended up seeing several people I've known since I was a tiny girl. It was still strange because the congregation is HUGE! Still, I managed to find connection and blessing, and I'm happy for that. 

Pastor Jim shared scripture from Matthew 4. This is the story of the beginning of Jesus's ministry. He went around Galilee, gathering the men who would become his disciples. These men went from fishing in the sea, to a lifelong service that is legendary. His point was that vocation was something more than just doing a job. 

Finding Vocation: My Story

He got me to thinking about what vocation means to me. The word "vocation" comes from the Latin word voca, which means calling. So, and Pastor Jim said this as well, when we consider vocation, we have to consider if what we are doing is something we have a burning passion for. It took me a long time to find what I can call a vocation. 

I have always wanted to write, and I write here and a few other places. My problem with writing is that I have a deep lack of discipline. I am passionate about writing, and am very happy when I can do it as often as possible. I truly believe it is one of my vocations, but not my only vocation. 

My other vocation is teaching. Teaching is not what I thought I'd end up doing. For a long time, I'm not sure I thought I'd end up doing more than attempting to be a pastor's wife who worked here and there to help ends meet. I was unhappy, and unfulfilled, but thought that if I just worked hard enough and pretended to be happy, I'd be ok.

It was far from enough. Deep down I knew this, but it took having my children to figure out I needed more. God used my divorce and my desire for education to lead me to a place where He could use me. The word "teaching" kept coming up as I worked for my first degree. I fought this. I was a writer. Teaching was scary. I couldn't get in front of a group of my classmates and present. How in the world would I get up in front of people I didn't know and teach them any thing at all?! 

God had other plans. 

After graduation, I was stuck in a job that I disliked, but couldn't seem to get out of. I interviewed for and got a job as an editor (or so I was told) at a local magazine (it ran apartment ad--very classy). I was going to make more money than I'd ever made. A week after I got the job, I quit. The head of the company thought he was God, and the office politics were thick. Oh, and the "editor" job was actually a receptionist job with very little editing involved. I crawled back to my old job and kept it a little longer. I did not understand why God would do this to me. Why would he gift me with a job, and then yank it away?

I kept getting the same question from people: "Why aren't you teaching?" I thought that teaching was basically equivalent to saying "I failed as a writer, so I have to teach." After four months of hearing "Why aren't you teaching?" and it's cousin "Have you considered teaching?" I started praying. I told God that if He wanted me to teach, He had to open a path for me because I really had no idea how to begin, and I wasn't sure I wanted to teach. It wasn't long before I got an email from a friend who was also an English major and a writer. She told me about a teaching opening at the local technical college. I emailed the contact, and was informed that I needed a Master's degree. I would have been upset, except my friend emailed me another opening at the same college for part-time tutoring. I contacted the school again, and got an interview. Soon, I was tutoring four days a week, and I left my less-than challenging job. 

I was stunned at how happy I was! Eighteen months after I started teaching classes part-time, I accepted a full-time position. Six-and-a-half years later, I'm teaching five classes a week, and although I am often frustrated, tired, and stressed, I find a deep contentment in my work. Students come to me and tell me that they fight to get into my classes. I make a difference. 

Pastor Jim pointed out today that part of vocation is knowing that we make a difference. What I love about teaching is that even if I can't see it, I make a difference. Sometimes, it's a tiny difference. Sometimes, it's a life-changing difference. God uses me to change other people's lives. That's pretty cool. 

Knowing Your Calling is Not About Being Prideful

I get nervous around people who state things like "Jesus told me that I should be doing this." I'm sure that there are people who have those experiences, but it seems like a lot of people who walk around saying these things just like flaunting what they believe is faith. For a long time I have hesitated to call my teaching a calling. It was something I was good at and enjoyed doing. It paid my bills (mostly) and I liked the hours. I didn't want to claim it as my calling because often I am doubtful that I do make a difference. How can I be called when I can't claim that I make a difference? 

Pastor Jim allowed me to realize today that what I was doing was a calling. I was first called to have a relationship with God. Then I was called to help people write better and use language better. It seems like a small thing, but apparently that’s what He wants from me. He gave me gifts, and He wants me to share them. My calling doesn’t make me better than anyone else, and certainly not better than those who are still getting to their callings. What it does do is allow me to work as God’s agent in an efficient and effective way. Even when I don’t know the outcomes with my students, I can be assured that God is there, working with me and through me. I believe that is what vocation is about—God using you to help others in all sorts of ways. I am thankful for the opportunity He has given me to serve. I also pray for those who are still in process toward finding their calling.

So, what’s your vocation?